The 12 Days of Querying: 2015

To usher in the Christmas cheer, I give you...a writerly twist on a holiday classic. And hats off equally to all you writers in the query trenches and all you agents who remain patient, wise and energetic about our writing hopes. ;)

On the first day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• A kindly worded form rejection

On the second day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the third day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Three “Hell Nos”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the fourth day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell Nos”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the fifth day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• “500K is too long!!”
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell Nos”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the sixth day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Six “Not for us’s”*
• “500K is too long!!”
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell Nos”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the seventh day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
• Six “Not for us’s”
• “500K is too long!!"
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell Nos”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the eighth day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Eight non-responses
• Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
• Six “Not for us’s”
• “500K is too long!!"
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell Nos”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the ninth day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Nine “I don’t get its”
• Eight non-responses
• Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
• Six “Not for us’s”
• “500K is too long!!"
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell Nos”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the tenth day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Ten “I can’t sell this”
• Nine “I don’t get its”
• Eight non-responses
• Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
• Six “Not for us’s”
• “500K is too long!!"
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell Nos”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the eleventh day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Eleven “Not-my-genres”
• Ten “I can’t sell this”
• Nine “I don’t get its”
• Eight non-responses
• Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
• Six “Not for us’s”
• “500K is too long!!"
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell Nos”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the twelfth day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Twelve “I need whiskeys”
• Eleven “Not-my-genres”
• Ten “I can’t sell this”
• Nine “I don’t get its”
• Eight non-responses
• Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
• Six “Not for us’s”
• “500K is too long!!"
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell Nos”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

*Us’s is a rare and technical term that rhymes with “hippopotamuses”

The 12 Days of Querying

To usher in the Christmas cheer, I give you...a writerly twist on a holiday classic. ;)

 

On the first day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• A kindly worded form rejection

On the second day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the third day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Three “Hell No’s”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the fourth day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell No’s”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the fifth day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• “500K is too long!!”
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell No’s”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the sixth day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Six “Not for us’s”*
• “500K is too long!!”
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell No’s”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the seventh day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
• Six “Not for us’s”
• “500K is too long!!"
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell No’s”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the eighth day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Eight non-responses
• Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
• Six “Not for us’s”
• “500K is too long!!"
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell No’s”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the ninth day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Nine “I don’t get its”
• Eight non-responses
• Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
• Six “Not for us’s”
• “500K is too long!!"
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell No’s”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the tenth day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Ten “I can’t sell this”
• Nine “I don’t get its”
• Eight non-responses
• Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
• Six “Not for us’s”
• “500K is too long!!"
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell No’s”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the eleventh day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Eleven “Not-my-genres”
• Ten “I can’t sell this”
• Nine “I don’t get its”
• Eight non-responses
• Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
• Six “Not for us’s”
• “500K is too long!!"
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell No’s”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the twelfth day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Twelve “I need whiskeys”
• Eleven “Not-my-genres”
• Ten “I can’t sell this”
• Nine “I don’t get its”
• Eight non-responses
• Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
• Six “Not for us’s”
• “500K is too long!!"
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell No’s”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

 

*Us’s is a rare and technical term that rhymes with “hippopotamuses”

Karen Returns!

Last week, I interviewed my good writing friend, Karen Philips. She's back today to talk a little more about writing conferences and the publishing world in the UK.

1. You went to last year's Swanwick Writer's Conference. Tell us about it!
Oh, yes. The Swanwick Writers’ Summer School is in Derbyshire, UK. The annual conference lasts a whole week in August. Over 600 writers, published and pre-published, plus agents, famous authors, (yes, I’ve stood in the bar with Iain Banks), all sharing meals, talks on the lawn and generally hanging out. Pretty mind-blowing if you’ve never been to anything like that. Jealous!

I didn’t know many writers beforehand and wrongly assumed the place would be full of introverts, who prefer reading to talking to people! Couldn’t have been more wrong. Which just shows what I know!

Everyone was very friendly. The excellent back-to-back lectures covered everything from self-editing to Sci Fi writing, and you could dip in and out as you wanted. I also had two agent one-to-one sessions. One with John Jarrold (Iain Banks’ top agent) and one with Benjamin Scott (a YA writer, teacher, SCBWI organiser-person). They both went through my chapter one and gave very insightful feedback. I think that was a turning point for me. Their positive encouragement, as professionals in the industry, made me realise that perhaps I could actually do this writing lark, and be good at it.

Of course you can, silly!

One of the best bits of the course was being immersed with other people like me! All talking about plotting, character development, book recommendations, and wanting to discuss the writing problems they needed to find solutions to. I loved it! Welcome to Planet Writer. It’s a blast.

Love the "Planet Writer" phrase. I need to use that one more often.

2. What differences have you noticed between the U.S. and U.K. publishing markets?
That’s a really good question. There are some big differences as far as I can see. And it’s swings and roundabouts for writers in either country.

My understanding of the U.S. market, especially in my genre, YA, is that it’s bigger and much more established. There are ten times as many agents representing YA, so you have more to submit to. Here in the U.K. there are perhaps twelve agencies that I can/want to query. Once I’ve gone through all twelve, I’m stuck. 

However, on the plus side for the U.K., we’re in an expanding market. YA is only just getting going, and all the U.K. agents are open for submissions from British writers. 

The other lucky thing about being a U.K. writer is that the submission process to agents is easier than in the U.S. We are required to send an email query letter, a one page synopsis and the first chapter/three chapters depending on the agency. So we get to send them our work, before being rejected! You guys sometimes only get to send the query letter without being able to send any of the actual work, until it’s requested. That’s tough.

But, hey, you guys have better weather and cool language. So you can’t complain. Meanwhile, it’s peeing down here in England.  It is June, after all. ;-))

Haha, noted.

Good luck with the writing!

Thanks again for the great insights, Karen, and for generally being all kinds of awesome.

This Crazy Business

Publishing is a business. We hear this from agents, editors and writer friends all the time, cautioning us to approach it with that attitude and level of professionalism. This is absolutely true.

However.

There are several instances where publishing DOESN’T operate like any other business (querying in particular), and if you’re not aware of these important differences, you may find yourself in a tricky situation.

Attachments are a No-No
This is like a foreign concept for most business folks. In many other avenues of business, email attachments are a common, necessary part of communicating. Not so in publishing. When you’re submitting your query, for example, EVERYTHING must go in the body of the email.

Phone Follow-ups are Taboo
If I haven’t heard from a work contact in response to a message or email I’ve sent them, I often pick up the phone and check in. It’s no big deal and it’s amazing how many things can be solved with a simple call. DO NOT DO THIS IN PUBLISHING! The exception is if you’re already represented and are communicating with your own agent, editor, etc.

Responses are SLOOOW
I work in PR, where project deadlines are sometimes a matter of hours. With most forms of business, a response time of several weeks or months is a signal that the other party just isn’t interested enough to move forward, so you move on. You can’t afford to invest more time and energy in that possibility.

Publishing is just the opposite. Long waits can mean anything. Expect them, don’t overanalyze and try not to freak out.

Don’t Expect Feedback
Whether we’re getting edits from a client or a review from our boss, chances are we get some type of specific feedback almost daily in our work. Not true while querying. Again, don’t expect any kind of feedback or additional comments unless an agent decides to take you on.

There are, of course, exceptions to all of these rules but, in general, I’ve found them to be good reminders in my own publishing journey. What differences have you noticed between publishing and other businesses?

Not Quite As Easy As 1, 2, 3

Ah, the editing process. That wonderful, awful stage that begins after you first type “The End,” and lasts until long after your sanity deserts you. When you’re re-reading a page for the 5,000th time (and you memorized it after 200), it is so very, very tempting to stop editing and query too early.

“How good is good enough?” you wonder. “I think it’s perfect. Surely, agents and publishers will, too!”

If only it were that simple.

I’ve been thinking about my own writing and editing process lately, and here’s how I’d break it down. Even if you don’t buy into the exact methods, I think it’s helpful to keep each of these perspectives in mind as you edit.

Draft 1*: It’s all about YOU
This is what we call the throw-up draft at my local writing studio. The first, frenzied, “get-it-all-out-on-page” effort, whose main purpose is to organize your thoughts and make sure they wind up on paper. This initial draft is about YOU: your ideas, your writing tics and mistakes, your favorite turns of phrase. And that’s okay at this point. Write, little author, write! The biggest challenge here is finishing the story.

Draft 2: It’s all about YOUR CHARACTERS
Okay, you’ve vomited your glorious story all over the page in Draft 1. Congrats! Take a deep breath, enjoy a glass of wine and then buck up, because from this point forward, it’s NOT about you.

In the second draft, concentrate on honing your characters and your plot until they shine. Remember all your favorite phrases from Draft 1? Well, they won’t be surviving the cut now unless they are absolutely something your character would actually say. This is the draft where you become invisible – we shouldn’t see you, as the author, anywhere, except in the miraculous visage and voice of your characters.

This is really tough. We want to hang onto that initial version, the one that first tumbled from our hearts, but c’mon, you owe your characters and your story more than that! Make them their very best in this draft.

Draft 3: It’s all about THE READER
You now have the most amazing cast of characters and most tightly twisting plot in the world. But we’re not done yet! This last one is often the most important draft of all. Why? Because it focuses on your readers, the people who will actually buy your book, love your book, sleep with it under their pillows and tell their friends about it.

Set your novel aside for a few months so you can read it with fresh eyes and immerse yourself as a reader. Then, evaluate it like any other book you’re reading. Does the writing flow? Does it pull you in? Is that line of dialogue truly funny or just forced?

Anything, and I mean anything, that gives you pause or pulls you out of the story must be changed! Because, chances are, if it stops you, it’ll stop your readers.

After you drag yourself back to the drawing board to correct all those little (or not so little) edits, read it again. Ask the same questions. Make additional edits.

Read it again.

No, I’m not kidding.

When you can get through the entire draft without being jerked out of the story by some small annoyance, you might, just maybe, be getting close to query stage. And you’ll probably be wearing a giddy little smile because your book is approaching that seamless quality of those already on the shelves. Good luck!


*All draft numbers are grossly understated. Drafts 2 and 3 might end up being drafts 4, 7…15…you get the idea.

Lessons from My Day Job: Queries and Resumes

I review a lot of resumes for my day job as a public relations counselor, and in some ways, I think the experience is similar to what agents must go through when reviewing queries. Here are some observances that we, as writers, can keep in mind for the query process, too.

The Speed Test
I really can tell within about 30 seconds if an applicant has the experience and skill I’m looking for. It shouldn’t be surprising that agents can do the same with our queries.

Value of Proofreading
For the love of the written word, PLEASE proofread. It’s bad enough to see mistakes on people’s resumes, but when that “resume” is a query letter and is supposed to showcase your writing ability, it’s pretty inexcusable. Take the time to review your work correctly.

Follow-ups and Form Responses
I’m diligent about following up with everyone who sends me a resume, but I typically use a form email without specific comments. I think this gives me a unique perspective on agent rejections. I know the huge spectrum of reasons why I say “no” to candidates, so I imagine agents have a similar list and I don’t get offended by form rejections. If you don’t hear back from a company about an interview, it doesn’t stop you from applying for other jobs. Rejection shouldn’t stop you from querying either.

Things that Make You Go SPLAT
Some applicants try to think outside the box on their resumes to grab my attention. I’ve received resumes on elaborate video CDs, resumes with ribbon lacing and resumes with custom-designed testimonials from previous employers.

I once managed a “request for proposal” for a music client. The agencies that sent proposals in guitar cases thought they were being oh-so-clever…they weren’t. At least three agencies packaged them in exactly the same way, and the only thing those proposals did was take up space in our offices while we wondered what to do with the cases.

It might be tempting to show your creative side, but I’d recommend sticking with the basics and letting your writing speak for itself in your query. It’s all too easy for “creative” to turn into “annoying” or “I’ve already seen a dozen of those today.”


Hope this is helpful or at least a little encouraging for those of us wading into the murky, swirling waters of querydom. Good luck to all!