The 12 Days of Querying: 2015

To usher in the Christmas cheer, I give you...a writerly twist on a holiday classic. And hats off equally to all you writers in the query trenches and all you agents who remain patient, wise and energetic about our writing hopes. ;)

On the first day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• A kindly worded form rejection

On the second day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the third day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Three “Hell Nos”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the fourth day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell Nos”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the fifth day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• “500K is too long!!”
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell Nos”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the sixth day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Six “Not for us’s”*
• “500K is too long!!”
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell Nos”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the seventh day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
• Six “Not for us’s”
• “500K is too long!!"
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell Nos”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the eighth day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Eight non-responses
• Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
• Six “Not for us’s”
• “500K is too long!!"
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell Nos”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the ninth day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Nine “I don’t get its”
• Eight non-responses
• Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
• Six “Not for us’s”
• “500K is too long!!"
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell Nos”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the tenth day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Ten “I can’t sell this”
• Nine “I don’t get its”
• Eight non-responses
• Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
• Six “Not for us’s”
• “500K is too long!!"
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell Nos”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the eleventh day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Eleven “Not-my-genres”
• Ten “I can’t sell this”
• Nine “I don’t get its”
• Eight non-responses
• Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
• Six “Not for us’s”
• “500K is too long!!"
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell Nos”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

On the twelfth day of querying, the agent gave to me:

• Twelve “I need whiskeys”
• Eleven “Not-my-genres”
• Ten “I can’t sell this”
• Nine “I don’t get its”
• Eight non-responses
• Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
• Six “Not for us’s”
• “500K is too long!!"
• Four “Closed to queries”
• Three “Hell Nos”
• Two “Try agains”
• And a kindly worded form rejection

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

*Us’s is a rare and technical term that rhymes with “hippopotamuses”