The 12 Days of Querying


To usher in the Christmas cheer, I give you...a writerly twist on a holiday classic. ;)
 
On the first day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • A kindly worded form rejection
On the second day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection
On the third day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • Three “Hell No’s
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection
On the fourth day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • Four “Closed to queries
  • Three “Hell No’s
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection
On the fifth day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • 500K is too long!!”
  • Four “Closed to queries
  • Three “Hell No’s
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection
On the sixth day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • Six “Not for us’s”*
  • 500K is too long!!”
  • Four “Closed to queries
  • Three “Hell No’s
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection
On the seventh day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
  • Six “Not for us’s
  • 500K is too long!!"
  • Four “Closed to queries
  • Three “Hell No’s
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection
On the eighth day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • Eight non-responses
  • Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
  • Six “Not for us’s
  • 500K is too long!!"
  • Four “Closed to queries
  • Three “Hell No’s
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection
On the ninth day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • Nine “I don’t get its
  • Eight non-responses
  • Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
  • Six “Not for us’s
  • 500K is too long!!"
  • Four “Closed to queries
  • Three “Hell No’s
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection
On the tenth day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • Ten “I can’t sell this
  • Nine “I don’t get its
  • Eight non-responses
  • Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
  • Six “Not for us’s
  • 500K is too long!!"
  • Four “Closed to queries
  • Three “Hell No’s
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection
On the eleventh day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • Eleven “Not-my-genres
  • Ten “I can’t sell this
  • Nine “I don’t get its
  • Eight non-responses
  • Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
  • Six “Not for us’s
  • 500K is too long!!"
  • Four “Closed to queries
  • Three “Hell No’s
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection
On the twelfth day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • Twelve “I need whiskeys
  • Eleven “Not-my-genres
  • Ten “I can’t sell this
  • Nine “I don’t get its
  • Eight non-responses
  • Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
  • Six “Not for us’s
  • 500K is too long!!"
  • Four “Closed to queries
  • Three “Hell No’s
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
 

*Us’s is a rare and technical term that rhymes with “hippopotamuses”

5 comments:

  1. lol! Yep, we all need a whiskey at the end. :)

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  2. Send a bottle of whiskey next time and see what happens!

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  3. Bwahahahahaha! That was AWESOME! Love it, Love it, LOVE IT!

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  4. At least I never got a "hell no!" Haha. That was really clever. Merry Christmas! :)

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