Go Low Again!

Go from high...........................to low.
Hey guys, first off - sorry if I've been scarce in your comments trails lately. Between work, class and life in general, I've only been able to check blogs about once a week. But, trust me, even if I'm late to the party, I still love reading everyone's stuff!

Okay, on to the fun!

A while back, we did a "cut the word count" challenge on the blog, and now we’re back for more!

Here’s the challenge: Take the original Dresden Files paragraph below and cut it down to 100 words, then 75, and finally 50.

Can you do it? See if I could below the break…

Original word count: 129
I studied the man a little more closely. He was big. He was really big, at least as tall as me and twice as broad. He was dressed only in a pair of cutoff blue jeans, and those looked like they were ill fit. He was in a condition best described as “overwhelmingly masculine,” hairy chested and muscled like a professional wrestler. There was gray in his hair and beard, and there were lines on his face, putting his age at well into maturity. It was his eyes that showed me the most about him. They burned green, wild and haunted, fastened on the distant sky now, but heavy with the weight of too much terrible knowledge. It couldn’t have been easy to live with a curse like his.
Fool Moon, Jim Butcher

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100 words (100)
I studied the man more closely. He was big. Really big. At least as tall as me and twice as broad, dressed only in a pair of ill fit cutoff blue jeans. His condition was best described as “overwhelmingly masculine,” hairy chested and muscled. There was gray in his hair and beard, and lines on his face, putting his age well into maturity. His eyes showed me the most. They burned green, wild and haunted, fastened on the distant sky, but heavy with the weight of terrible knowledge. It couldn’t have been easy to live with a curse like his.

75 words (73)
I studied the man. He was big, hairy chested and muscled. At least as tall as me and twice as broad, dressed only in a pair of ill fit blue jeans. Gray streaked his hair and beard. Lines on his face put his age well into maturity. His eyes showed me the most, burning green, wild and haunted, but heavy with terrible knowledge. Couldn’t be easy to live with a curse like his.

50 words (50)
I studied the man. Big, hairy and muscled. Tall as me and twice as broad, dressed in ill fit blue jeans. Gray streaked his hair and beard, putting him well into maturity. Green eyes burned wild and haunted, heavy with terrible knowledge. Couldn’t be easy to live with his curse.

11 comments:

  1. Excellent, Nicole! I'm actually "studying" a few of my favorite books right now to see how the authors used as few words as possible to describe a scene or weave in backstory. Sometimes I'll go off on a tangent with backstory, when it is so unnecessary. Great writing exercise. :)

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  2. That's one of my biggest pet peeves in writing. I like to see things trimmed down to a few really well selected words.

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  3. My editor constantly cut a sentence into three. Its easy. Just add more periods.

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  4. Nicely done, Nicole. Me thinks you deserve an award, so come on over to my blog and get it whenever you're up to it. :)

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  5. when I worked at the newspaper this was considered a daily task!

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  6. Here's my stab at it (I changed a few phrases to shorter synonyms, as well as cutting. And shifted dialect in the final sentence too. Woops.):
    "I scrutinised the man. He was my height, doubly broad. Sporting only ill-fitting cut-off jeans, he was hairy-chested and well-muscled. His hair and beard were greying, his face lined. His eyes - burning green, wild, haunted - fastened on the heavens, were heavy with terrible knowledge. That curse ain't easy."
    I feel like it's almost reduced to dot-points - I can't tell if shorter is better or not.

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    Replies
    1. Awesome! I think you're right - there's sort of a middle ground. If it gets too short, it's almost choppy. Maybe good for action sequences, but a little too rough for other sections.

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  7. That's a fun idea to see how to cut out the fat by trimming it from other people's prose. I tend to start out with the trimmed prose and have to fatten it up a bit, though.

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  8. That was neat! What a way to practice trimming out the extra fat.

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