The 12 Days of Querying: 2015


To usher in the Christmas cheer, I give you...a writerly twist on a holiday classic. And hats off equally to all you writers in the query trenches and all you agents who remain patient, wise and energetic about our writing hopes. ;)

On the first day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • A kindly worded form rejection
On the second day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection
On the third day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • Three “Hell Nos
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection
On the fourth day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • Four “Closed to queries
  • Three “Hell Nos
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection
On the fifth day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • 500K is too long!!”
  • Four “Closed to queries
  • Three “Hell Nos
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection
On the sixth day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • Six “Not for us’s”*
  • 500K is too long!!”
  • Four “Closed to queries
  • Three “Hell Nos
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection
On the seventh day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
  • Six “Not for us’s
  • 500K is too long!!"
  • Four “Closed to queries
  • Three “Hell Nos
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection
On the eighth day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • Eight non-responses
  • Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
  • Six “Not for us’s
  • 500K is too long!!"
  • Four “Closed to queries
  • Three “Hell Nos
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection
On the ninth day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • Nine “I don’t get its
  • Eight non-responses
  • Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
  • Six “Not for us’s
  • 500K is too long!!"
  • Four “Closed to queries
  • Three “Hell Nos
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection
On the tenth day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • Ten “I can’t sell this
  • Nine “I don’t get its
  • Eight non-responses
  • Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
  • Six “Not for us’s
  • 500K is too long!!"
  • Four “Closed to queries
  • Three “Hell Nos
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection
On the eleventh day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • Eleven “Not-my-genres
  • Ten “I can’t sell this
  • Nine “I don’t get its
  • Eight non-responses
  • Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
  • Six “Not for us’s
  • 500K is too long!!"
  • Four “Closed to queries
  • Three “Hell Nos
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection
On the twelfth day of querying, the agent gave to me:
  • Twelve “I need whiskeys
  • Eleven “Not-my-genres
  • Ten “I can’t sell this
  • Nine “I don’t get its
  • Eight non-responses
  • Seven “Where’s the plotlines?"
  • Six “Not for us’s
  • 500K is too long!!"
  • Four “Closed to queries
  • Three “Hell Nos
  • Two “Try agains
  • And a kindly worded form rejection

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

*Us’s is a rare and technical term that rhymes with “hippopotamuses”

1 comment:

  1. Bummer, I never hit the I need whiskeys stage!
    Merry Christmas.

    ReplyDelete