|Me, balancing on "the precipice," AKA a goat track along the Continental Divide.|
Over the holidays, I read a blog post via Twitter that hit upon one of my deepest fears regarding writing. (I have, of course, lost the link since then. So, if someone reads this and knows what I'm talking about, please resend me the article and I'll add it!)
Basically, the post was by a published author who shed light on the hard truth that she couldn't have been as successful at writing as she was without the free time and creative flexibility that came with not having to worry about paying the bills. She was wonderfully wise and candid, and emphasized her extreme gratitude toward her husband's work and their life situation that allowed her to write. She also mentioned something to the effect of, "I know what it's like to be overworked and stressed, managing multiple jobs. That was me all through my [20s or 30s], and I never wrote a thing."
Um, yikes! Double yikes because, though I've cranked out several completed novels and drafts, that last bit is pretty much my life to a T.
The hard, diligent work of writing each and every day doesn't bother me. I thrive on it. The rejections don't phase me because they mean I'm getting closer. I work in PR for my day job, so I know what it takes to promote a book (It also means I have a pretty good idea of how many hundreds of hours it takes to do it right, too!). I have absolute faith in my writing skills and my ability to keep polishing them.
But to do all of that, to have all the other elements come together, and still end up shy because I just can't squeeze in the time or energy to truly make a go of it amid everything else life demands?! THAT terrifies me.
I haven't crossed that bridge yet, and God help me, I never will, but, boy, is it a narrow precipice sometimes! Last year, I worked my full time job at a fast-paced agency, did three part-time freelance positions, and finished my MBA. I consider it a minor miracle that I not only managed to finish my latest novel, edit it and start querying, but wrote some of my best scenes to date in the process.
So, that's what I'm holding on to.
Bring it, life!