Jillian Michaels Does BIC

I’ve been watching The Biggest Loser lately, and I can’t help but wonder what would happen if Jillian were standing over my shoulder during a writing session. Talk about the ultimate Butt-in-Chair workout!

It might go something like this:

*After hours of writing, my butt shifts slightly in the chair, as if to rise*

JM: “What are you doing?”
Me: “I…well…”
JM: “What. Are. You. Doing?”
Me: “I…”
JM: “Do I look like I’m in a tolerant mood? Sit down.”
Me: “But, I have to go to the bath—”
JM: “You don’t get it do you? This is life and death. You literally…left your characters…to die.”

*Gulps*

JM: “Is that what you want? You want them to die?”
Me: “…No?”
JM: “Do. You. Want. Them. To. Die.”
Me: “No!”
JM: “Then get your butt back in that chair and write.”

*Sits, stares at blank screen in fear for half a second.*

JM: “Write! Now. Not later. Now! You think you’re going to walk up to the NYT, and they’re going to reward you for quitting? Show me you want this. Go, go, go. I need to see more. Not less. More!”

*Fingers fly over the keyboard, no longer caring if words make sense*

JM: “If you don’t want this, I guarantee you somebody else does. So stop wasting my time if you’re not. Going. To. Write.”

*Fingers…cramping. Doesn’t…matter.*

JM: “Better. Okay, see, that’s how we do it. Now, go ice your fingers.”

*Glances at screen in giddy delirium.*

Me: “Huh, look at that. I wrote 40,000 words. In one sitting. She really is the greatest trainer in the world.”